I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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