My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
