sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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