New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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