Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
