moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
