are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We were destined to go to rehab together
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
