JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
