erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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