her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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