i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
