Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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