A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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