We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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