Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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