i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
