my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
