his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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