hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize