He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
