we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
