I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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