the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
