I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
