Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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