In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
