Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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