Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish my penis had an off switch
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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