didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
