i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
