Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
