You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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