when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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