I am in a vortex of obligation.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
