If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
