it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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