dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
