I'm drive I can fine osifer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
