WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just puked most of my soul out..
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