you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
