you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
