he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
