She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
