If i come over, it means nothing
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
