Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
