She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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