Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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