Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
