You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
