You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You don't make any sense
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