Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
