i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
