Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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