That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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