i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
