Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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