Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
