Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
