I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize