Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
