Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
