On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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