wrigley field is MILF paradise
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
