wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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