So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
