why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
