They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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