remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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