and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
