God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
