I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They have beer where we have blood.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
