you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
