lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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